Practical advice on how to have a simple funeral
Funerals for Babies and Children: A clear guide on what to do
Funerals for Babies and Children in Melbourne
This post is intended to be a clear and concise guide to help families to understand the processes and decisions needed when a child or baby dies. It is absolutely harrowing to even contemplate the death of a child, yet the reality is, this happens every day.
I have tried to make this post informative and simple, so families in need can understand the processes, but please go slowly with the content, and take care of yourself as you delve into this information.
Baby and Kid's Coffins :: What happens when a Child dies (Melbourne) :: Planning a child/infant Funeral :: Infant & Child Urns :: Resources for Grieving Parents
This article will cover each of the topics above, but know you can reach us 24/7 on the phone. We are Melbourne funeral directors that also serve all of country Victoria.
How we came to this work
Although we are known for our work offering incredibly personal send-offs for LGBTIQ+, subcultural types, environmentalists and inner North types, the origins of this work for me (Kimba) was through my training and work as a birth attendant (or doula). I studied with Rhea Dempsey, Australia's leading voice on natural birth. After supporting women and their families birthing in hospital and at home, I was called to assist families who had lost a baby prior to, at, or soon after birth. These early experiences of supporting people through birth and through the loss of a child informed my whole life, and lead me to this path of authentic funeral and deathcare.
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What happens when an infant/child dies (Melbourne)
Stillborn/Newborn babies
It is such a shocking and heartwrenching thing to lose a babe at this time, and so few of us realise that 1 in 100 pregnancies ends in stillbirth or newborn death.
When a baby dies at this time, the hospital will guide you through the processes that need to happen, and give you medical and emotional support as you navigate these confusing early days of sudden grief. You should be able to spend time with your baby and introduce them to your family members, who also need time to grieve.
Often the hospital or the Coroner's will want to perform an autopsy on the baby; although this can be upsetting to discuss, it is the best way to find out why a baby has died.
During this time you can also contact a funeral director. A good funeral director will liaise with the hospital or Coroner's office to ensure you are kept up to date with things, and to assist you in working out things like if you'd like to take your baby home, how you can have the farewell you want, and so on.
Click here to read an excellent fact sheet SANDS has produced on these issues
The Death of an older baby or child
If your child was unwell and in the care of a hospital or doctor, then their death is treated very much like any other person who has been sick. You will have the chance to spend time at their bedside saying goodbye, and you can engage a funeral director at this time, who can guide you through the whole process, including if you'd like to take your child home, or spend more time with them after death.
When a child dies suddenly
When a child dies unexpectedly, they will be taken to the Coroner's so that they cause and manner of their death can be established. The staff at Coronial admissions are excellent, and will keep you informed as to the process and progress of their investigation.
During this time you can engage a funeral director who will be on standby to take your child into their care as soon as the Coroner's have finished their investigation. We will collect your child anytime day or night, and tuck them in at our facility.
Access information on the first 48 hours at the Coroner's HERE
Choosing a Funeral Director for your Infant/Child's Funeral
Many funeral directors will offer low or no-cost funerals for babies. We have decided against this type of offering (although we do have a philanthropic funeral fund for anyone who cannot afford a funeral). Often these low-cost offerings are quite limited in scope, and don't allow for a lot of personalisation.
Also, both Last Hurrah Co-Founders are mothers and step-mothers and we strive to offer our families a continuity of care, so that families can rely on one person to guide, support, and walk beside them on this journey to farewelling their child. The care we offer goes far beyond arranging a child's funeral and aligns more with offering emotional and practical support, a circle of support that supports the immediate family and their wider community. We absolutely love this work we do, but the emotional labor is intense.
The main thing when choosing a Funeral Director for your child's funeral is that they are able to hold you with whatever your situation, and that there is a high level of flexibility and imagination, so that you can have the funeral or farewell that really reflects you and your child. The funeral should come from the heart, and not fit into a timeslot, venue or format that is pre-determined.
Planning your Child's Funeral
Here are the major aspects you'll need to consider, and some ideas and extra information to help you at a time where making decisions is almost unthinkably hard.
Seeing your Child again (Viewings, vigils, going home)
It is possible in most circumstances to spend more time with your child after their death. There are so many different circumstances around how children die, but we understand how important it is to have time to sit with your child, and let your mind, body and spirit come to understand they have gone.
There are so many ways you can do this. Sometimes families want to bring a child home. We can support you to do this, and can access either a cold cot or a cooling bed, so that your time with your child can be supported in safe and comfortable way.
Sometimes people want to keep their child home for a couple of nights, and we can also support you to do this.
Finally, we are also able to to have you come to our facility for a viewing, if that suits you better. Sometimes we also take a child home for a brief time between their funeral and disposition. All this is possible.
Cremation or Burial - Options in Melbourne and Country Victoria
Many people never give this much thought, and why would they? It is often the last thing we consider with our children in mind. This information is meant to offer some clear information, but of course we are available 24/7 to delve deeper into these choices with you.
Cremation is the most popular choice for disposition in Australia today. We have existing relationships with Fawkner Memorial Park, Lilydale Memorial Park, Springvale Botanical Cemetery, Altona Memorial Park, Remembrance Parks Central Victoria, Bunurong Memorial Park, Geelong Crematorium and Ballarat too.
If you wanted to accompany your child and have a witness cremation, you're absolutely able to do that as well. We also offer shrouded cremation, if you'd prefer that to a standard coffin.
Cremation is the most affordable option for most families.
Burial is available in many places across Melbourne and Regional Victoria, and ranges from plots in premium areas of well-known cemeteries, smaller rural cemeteries and even natural burial. Some families choose a plot that will allow them to one day be buried with their child.
Burial prices vary greatly, but it tends to be far more expensive than cremation, and the cost can amount to many thousands of dollars, so it's worth considering this when looking at options.
Children's and Baby's Coffins and Caskets
One of the things we noticed when entering this field was that there weren't so many options available for coffins for babies and kids, beyond the very standard white coffin with white silky interior. That may be perfect for your family, but we are interested in having a wider choice for people.
We have a range of children's coffins in pine, wicker, and a special NZ-made casket crib in Ply.
Coffins can be expensive, but we aim to offer coffins and caskets at the most reasonable price possible, and can arrange for a free casket if you are under financial strain.
Planning a beautiful Funeral for your Child in Melbourne
Planning a funeral that truly reflects your child and your love for them may take many forms. There are often a whole lot of small details you want to include, and many people in the wider family and community that want to take part.
A good funeral director will listen carefully to your vision and then give you meaningful options that match the feel, tone and spirit of the farewell you want to have.
For us, an important aspect is location. Many cemetery chapels have incredibly tight time-frames, and push through many funerals a day, leaving a feeling that one is on a conveyor belt.
A child's funeral should take as long as it takes, incorporate different elements and happen in a place a family feels comfortable with. They can happen in a backyard, down at the park, in a venue in your neighbourhood, down at the beach. There is no limit to where you can plan a funeral (sometimes permits may be needed to have a coffin outdoors, but we are finding more and more councils are supporting this).
You might want to begin with a vigil at home, with close family members, then onto burial or cremation, followed by a celebration of life and memorial service in a place you can also have food and drinks. Later you may have an additional ceremony for the ash scattering, or to honour a special place or ritual that was important to your child.
The funeral might be intimate or enormous, involving just immediate family or an entire community. We specialise in assisting cross-cultural families to have a farewell that incorporates all aspects of the different cultures the families of origin have, in a way that is seamless and respectful.
Music, photos and videos, cultural displays, memorial sporting matches, performances by their peers - we are able to support all these and more.
We also partner with another local funeral company, Chapter House to offer families the use of a specially designed hearse for children.
Infant and Child Urns and Keepsakes
If your child is buried, you may like to keep a lock of their hair as a keepsake, and we partner with an amazing artist who turns hair into beautiful wearable art. See HAIRLOOMSwebsite for samples.
We have a local craftsperson who handcrafts urns out of reclaimed timber, and he can alter the design to your specification. Each piece is carefully hewn and is sustainable and beautiful.
If you'd like to have something special to hold a smaller portion of your child's cremated remains, then we absolutely love the urns made by our friend Deb at the Porcelain Urn Company
Resources for Grieving Parents
We're here to offer you 24/7 help and support when it comes to planning your child's funeral - the last tender act of love you can do for your child.
There are also many other places you can get help and support: SANDS
A few days in the life of a Melbourne Funeral Director
People are often curious about what a funeral director does, and I always get a lot of questions about what my life as a Melbourne Funeral Director looks like. So I thought I would give a little snapshot of how our weeks roll by! It's important to point out that we work very differently to many traditional funeral companies, first because we offer a continuity of care model where one person cares for a family the whole way through the funeral process, and second because as a small independent company, we have just two full-time staff members.
But here goes, a few days in the life of a Melbourne Funeral Director. Grab a coffee and hang onto your heart, because we're about to go on quite a journey! I originally made this a week in the life, but the amount of work was overwhelming even to me when I wrote it all out!
SUNDAY
We begin on Sunday, because offering funerals to Melbourne families is honestly a 24/7, 365 proposition.
7:10am The phone rings on the bedside table. It is a family sitting with their person, Alice, who has just died in a nursing home, and they are all at sea, needing to engage a funeral director quickly as the nursing home doesn't have a mortuary. I slow them down a little, offering general funeral information, and giving them some things to discuss, like whether they want a funeral or memorial, burial or cremation, and whether the person had any specific beliefs, or community. I encourage them to take a bit of time to have a proper goodbye at the bedside, and offer a quote in case they want to shop around. They agree that would be a good idea.
7:30am I am already at my computer tapping out a quote for this family. I send it off and within 20 minutes the family calls me back to engage our services. It's always a great feeling when I can build trust and rapport with a family at such a hard time. We have put a ton of thought into options from no-frills funerals to our famous full Last Hurrah Send-offs, and our reasonable pricing also helps families to feel like they have options.
I then call the nursing home to confirm the person is ready for collection, and then our mortuary transport team, who are on-call and will arrive within 90 minutes. I also call our mortuary manager, and interrupt his breakfast too. We have a little joke about that.
Oh Gosh it is Sunday, and my own family stir wanting breakfast.
3:00pm I speak to Alice's family and we arrange to have an funeral arrangement on Monday at 12pm. Our funeral home is deep in renovation at our new location (we are now Thornbury funeral directors HOORAY!) so I arrange to meet them at their home.
I also sit down and make lists for the coming week. We have one full funeral, a burial and and memorial service, both of those at our signature venue 75 Reid St in North Fitzroy, and one at the crematorium at Fawkner Memorial Park. We need to book in a burial at Springvale Botanical Cemetery, two cremations, check staffing, order the booze for the two big services, check the catering orders, place floral orders, make two slideshows, organise the music, and arrange an after hours viewing! But wait, it's still Sunday. All that will wait till tomorrow.
9:30pm I am in bed, still texting with families about the services coming up, before I finally turn my phone to 'do not disturb' but of course with 'accept calls from everyone' because sometimes the phone does ring at 2am! Not tonight I hope
Monday
I drop the kids to school and decide to take my computer and head halfway across town to do some work at a cafe before meeting Alice's family. My co-founder Stass and I have our Monday teleconference, where we divvy up jobs and get all our ducks in a row. Stass will chase up the coffins we have on order, and order a new pallet of the cardboard coffins we use about 60% of the time. They go so quickly, we have to keep the stock levels high!
The family of Matty, the man who's being buried at Springvale on Thursday, have decided they'd like him to be embalmed, and they'd like a viewing on Wednesday, so we juggle the calendar and Stass contacts our master embalmer Tara, who is very much in demand. She'll have to come in on an evening after her full load at another funeral home, what a legend!
The morning passes in a flurry of calls and emails. Being a funeral director is basically like being an event manager, and it's super important to pay attention to the tiny details, especially for us, who offer unique funerals, bespoke farewells, not things you pick off a list.
The arrangement with Alice's family is lovely and sad, and we take our time. We have cups of tea, fill out the endless paperwork, and they decide on a shrouded cremation (we often use Bendigo Crem for this as they are super open to sustainable funeral options), after a full funeral at the Fairfield Boathouse early next week. I am a little relieved I am not having to squeeze in another funeral this week; we tend to only do one service a day, because our funerals generally take the form of a seamless funeral into wake/party, and take hours.
We arrange to have a Zoom in a few days to talk all about Alice, so I can write something beautiful and personal for her Fairfield Funeral. I came to this work as a celebrant, and I often say ceremony is my super-power.
As I drive back across town, I am delivering Stass lists of things to do via the handsfree phone, and she also tells me I'll be home late tomorrow as Matty's viewing is now Tuesday night. There goes my yoga class, AGAIN!
I have a Fitzroy funeral for Miranda tomorrow, and I am driving the hearse, so the night passes in a flurry of last-minute organising, chatting to Miranda's family, emailing a runsheet to the team, all the media to the AV, and then it is off to bed early for another big day.
TUESDAY
There is a lot of toing and froing to work with our 1973 Cadillac Hearse, a big white hearse called Mama Cass. Our families love her, but she needs a lot of TLC, and driving her is always an adventure.
I put the kids in before school care and trek over to our Thornbury funeral director HQ, picking up Mama Cass and driving headlong into the crazy morning traffic.
Our mortuary is in Moorabbin, which is across town, but is a lovely modern space, we're very lucky to be able to access. This Melbourne Funeral Director certainly gets a cross-town tour of the city, and I roll back into Fitzroy at 11:30am with Miranda. She is in a cardboard Casket her family will write messages of love on during the service.
75 Reid St is a flurry of activity as our Funeral assistants/masterful catering legends ready the space, the AV tech checks the slides, the florals arrive, and the family comes to help carry Miranda the three stairs up into the venue. There are tears and hugs as we set her in the space.
Before long the music Miranda loves is playing, the live musicians are set, and folks are arriving. We offer them champagne on arrival (Miranda adored bubbles) and they visibly relax as they enter a relaxed, beautiful space, and share a drink with friends before the funeral begins.
At the close of the ceremony, Miranda is carried to the hearse, and everyone gathers on the street. It is always a profoundly sad and beautiful moment as I drive away with people's person, but soon after they head inside for an amazing spread of food, drinks and music, taken care of by our team, and Miranda and I are on the way to Fawkner Crematorium.
I drop off Mama Cass to HQ and head back across town to ready the viewing space in Moorabbin for Matty's viewing. It will be amazing when we can hold viewings in our own space.
It's dusk when Matty's family arrives. I have created a playlist of tunes he loved, Tara has done an amazing job of getting him looking so more like himself, and he is laid out in a beautiful wicker and seagrass casket, with candles eveywhere. His family have brought wine and food, and after some very difficult first moments, they settle into a couple of hours of reminiscing, while I work upstairs, ready to attend to them at every moment.
I spend the time ensuring everything is ready for tomorrow's witness cremation and vigil tomorrow at Fawkner Memorial Park. I'll be saying some opening and closing words and reading a poem written by the person who died, who was a poet of note, so I rehearse the poem silently.
I also line up the next lot of tasks for Thursday's graveside service in Springvale, followed by the memorial I'll be leading back at 75 Reid St. There is always so much to write, and it's a huge privilege to work with families in this way.
I get home late, and I am tired, but after kissing my sleeping babes in their bed, I am asleep not long after my head hits the pillow.
All about Cardboard Coffins!
DaisyBox cardboard coffins are perfect to decorate in whatever suits your family and your person
There has been a LOT of talk about Cardboard Coffins this week, with the ABC news reporting on the Community Coffin Club in Tassie and their great initatives with cardboard and home-made coffins. Although the article missed a lot of information (like the fact these initatives are happening as a fundraiser for the awesome Tender Funerals, and that these coffins aren’t made in Tassie) it is always brilliant to see the discussion that comes from any mention of death, funerals and coffin options in the mainstream media.
I thought it might be a good time to delve deeper into cardboard coffins in Australia, dispel some myths, and tell people how they can access these coffins either independently, or through a funeral director, as well as looking at the environmental profile of these kinds of coffin options.
NB: Although this article is singing the praises of the Daisybox, we are not affiliated in any way with it or it’s manufacturers or suppliers, and this article is completely independent. We did not receive any payment or other incentive for this. We just really like this cardboard option!
CARDBOARD COFFIN BRANDS IN AUSTRALIA
There are a few different types of cardboard coffins available here in Australia. Some, like the Life Art brand are extremely expensive comparatively and are owned by the large funeral conglomerates.
Others are independently owned, and prices can vary wildly. Some also have what might be considered design flaws, so it is worth checking with your cardboard-coffin-friendly funeral director about which brands they recommend.
The independent brands we know of are:
DaisyBox by Scientia (formerly known as Bioboard)
Leaving Lightly
Peace Pod
Weight Limits
At this time, we use and recommend the DaisyBox model, for a number of reasons, which we will outline below. First, it is made from two layers of bonded corrugated cardboard, about 15mm thick, giving the casket a minimum lift-strength of 240kg. This means there is no chance the bottom could fall out of it - it is smooth and solid, with no edges that could catch on the injection devices crematoriums use to ‘launch’ coffins into the oven. (Yes, they do usually launch coffins in at quite an impressive speed!)
Although it is unlikely someone over 200kg would fit into the Daisybox shoulder to shoulder, it is reassuring to know that it has that capacity.
What if it rains?!
I notice a lot of people worry about this when thinking about cardboard coffins. Let us reassure you on this. All the brands of cardboard coffins we have used are a VERY firm and rigid card. Even if you threw a bucket of water on them, it wouldn’t affect the integrity of the coffin at all. Of course, over time, constant moisture is sure to affect the structure, but that isn’t of any concern to any standard cremation or burial. If someone did need to be held for a long period of time, the funeral director can just hold off on encoffining the person until close to their funeral/disposition.
Cardboard Coffins & Caskets for Burial or Cremation
Cardboard is a viable option for both burial and cremation. Some crematoriums and funeral directors are wary of using cardboard, mostly because they are not used to it, and feel anxious about using something new. However in the case of the major cardboard coffin options in Australia, they have been used thousands of times and have been perfectly workable options.
Some crematorium operators are concerned that the cardboard could catch on the rollers or injection device. That’s why we recommend the Daisybox - it is one smooth piece of cardboard with no glued edges at the bottom.
Another common concern is the amount of ash produced, or the notion that far more fuel is needed to conduct the cremation. Of course, it is hard to give a defining answer as there are many types of cremators out there - however, after speaking to the operator of one of Melbourne’s busiest crematoriums, we have been assured that there is adequate combustible material to successfully ignite the deceased, and to successfully complete the cremation without having to use far more fuel.
All crematoriums in Victoria accept cardboard coffins, so that is a high level of confidence shown by these major operators in cardboard.
Burial is also a totally viable option with cardboard. It is important to check that the handle design is solid and sturdy, as some cardboard options have an inner rope handle linking system that could be less than sturdy if not correctly assembled. But overall, there is no problem at all using a cardboard coffin like the Daisybox.
The Byron Coffin by Leaving Lightly
Are cardboard coffins more expensive?
I was so surprised to read the comments on the recent ABC article and read over and over that people had been told that cardboard coffins were more expensive than regular coffins. I know for a fact that isn’t the case!! So how could it be?!
I did some research and discovered that, like all coffin pricing in Australia, there is no RRP (recommended retail price) listed publically for any coffins. This means that there’s no limit to what prices can be charged. We have made it a core element of our business to minimise our markups, however in the mainstream funeral industry coffins remain a cash-cow element of the core business. I have heard some funeral companies charging up to $5000 for these cardboards, which is absolutely insane. I just cannot understand WHY!?
The Last Hurrah Funerals offers cardboard coffins and plantation timber bearers and calico shrouds as part of our professional services fee - meaning families don’t have to fork out any extra for these options, even with direct cremation.
Many of our people have purchased a cardboard coffin without a service - for their own DIY funerals, to decorate for later use and so on. We have been charging $300 including postage to Melbourne. Definitely less expensive than almost any other coffin out there, except perhaps one made from MDF cut-offs, which, while certainly cheap for the funeral director to procure, is not truly sustainable or environmentally friendly, and is often really ugly to boot!
The Daisybox team are also looking at ways to help stop this kind of huge price variation. Their brand-new site, which is unveiling options, some of which will be launched in 2021, includes RRP for their products. The standard craft-cardboard Daisybox (formerly bioboard) is listed at $249 - a shade over what we were charging before postage. We’re huge supporters of this initiative, which will keep prices for these sustainable items fair and uniform, and will allow families to search out funeral providers who do offer this product at the correct price.
So, how green & sustainable are Cardboard Coffins?
Such a curly question!
In short, it is difficult to truly assess the greenest options here. Just like burial and cremation both have positives and negatives when it comes to their carbon footprint, so much so that they almost come out even (with natural burial just edging ahead by my estimation), so too different coffin and shroud options have variable factors.
We can say without doubt that putting hardwood or metal coffins into the ground is certainly not environmentally friendly. Burning hardwood is similarly wasteful and unsustainable. Burning MDF is akin to burning PVC, and we all know that’s bogus for mother earth.
Cardboard sounds great; it biodegrades, can be made from recyclable materials, and if you choose a model that uses no or minimal glue, it is very low in formaldehyde and other toxins.
However, some things to consider include the fact that to make 1kg paper, it takes 324 litres of water. (Source: https://responsiblewaterscientists.wordpress.com/2019/02/04/the-water-footprint-of-paper/)
Cardboard could easily take more considering its properties.
Cardboard coffins are generally lined in plastic, which is a legislative requirement in many states, and all use plastic tags or plastic-coated escutcheons (this can be altered for natural burial though).
Cardboard coffins are made overseas and have a heavy carbon footprint
It is unclear what sort of working conditions the makers of these coffins are subjected to
(It is worth pointing out that many of these issues also apply to standard coffins too)
The Daisybox is ideal for decoration, art pieces and also signing messages to your person.
What is the most sustainable option for body disposition?
We wouldn’t claim to know the definitive answer to this - let’s take the question of burial or cremation out of the equation (another blog will examine these and also alkaline hydrolysis and other emerging technologies), and we do have a fairly clear idea of what is most sustainable.
Cardboard is a great option, and if plastic elements could be replaced with biodegradable hardware, including the plastic lining, then Cardboard would likely be the clear winner.
We were pretty sure that the plantation timber bearer (made right here in Melbourne) and a calico shroud was the most sustainable option, until, in the writing of this article, we discovered it takes 2700 litres of water to make a cotton shirt! (Source: https://goodonyou.eco/fashion-and-water-the-thirsty-industry/)
That’s hefty! What about the equally natural and much more pricey silk? Apparently even more than cotton for irrigated silk, and it also involves many thousands of silkworm cocoons.
However, this bearer and shroud combo is plastic-free (if you use traditional or biodegradable methods of wrapping the body to avoid leakage, which may include some mortuary care techniques such as aspiration; only really needed in certain cases), and uses minimal materials…
It seems like both cardboard and the shroud/bearer combo are great sustainable and relatively eco-friendly options, which is why we offer both these options as standard inclusions. Hopefully more funeral directors will consider these as standard options.
Our standard shroud and bearer; we can use any fabric you like, and also cover this with a cardboard top or other fabric topping.
Hopefully this little treatise on cardboard coffins has been useful to someone out there! If you’d like to know more about the DaisyBox you can check out their site:
https://www.daisybox.com.au/
We’re always here to help you 24/7 with any enquiries about funerals, dying, great farewells and much more:
https://www.lasthurrahfunerals.com.au/
Over and out for now!
What to Do When Someone Dies: A Practical Guide
Although it is a sad rite of passage that almost all of us will have to walk through in our lifetime, knowing what to do when someone we love dies is rarely something we’re equipped with prior to the event.
Did your person tell you they wanted a last ride in a sick Hearse? Assume they’d love it!
Although it is a sad rite of passage that almost all of us will have to walk through in our lifetime, knowing what to do when someone we love dies is rarely something we’re equipped with prior to the event.
Perhaps due to a combination of our culture’s propensity to avoid confronting death at any cost, the quagmire of loss and grief that descends on the living after a death, and the tendency of institutions to want death to be dealt with rapidly, most people tend to feel harried, completely lost and overwhelmed when a death occurs, even when it was expected, or protracted.
This advice is specific to Australia, and in some cases especially to Melbourne and Victoria, but the key points remain the same wherever you are in the world.
When Someone dies after an illness or period of convalescence
Useful Tip #1: Slow it Down
Unless your person dies in a nursing home where there is no mortuary storage, then there is absolutely no need to do anything immediately after death. If you’re at home, put the kettle on, or pour a stiff drink.
If in a hospital, ask for a cup of tea, and just spend some time with your person. Let your body, mind and spirit come to the fact of their death, by just sitting with it for some time.
You may want to gather items to give the person a sponge bath, or ask nursing staff to do that for you. Cry, wail or sing, the main thing is to know that this time is precious as well as desperately sad.
If you’re absent from the person, and have been phoned with the news, it can be even more difficult to know what to do with yourself. Again, slow it down, and allow yourself some time to digest the news. There is no rush.
In the event that your person is in a nursing home where they cannot store them for any length of time, spend this time considering which funeral director you’d like to use. It is far better if you can undertake this decision-making process BEFORE the fact. It takes an enormous amount of pressure and stress away from this very sad moment, and means you’re more likely to get a range of quotes, rather than settle on the most immediate option, simply because you feel pressured or overwhelmed.
Useful Tip #2
If your person does die in a place like this, see if you can get the medical cause of death certificate completed immediately, so that it can be collected by the transfer team when they take your person. This makes everything much easier, when possible
When someone dies in a hospital, they are taken to the mortuary, and there is a process of documentation that need to be completed before they can be released to your funeral director of choice. This process can take 24-72 hours, so take your time in finding your funeral director, and taking plenty of rest.
When someone dies suddenly, accidentally or unexpectedly
Your level of shock and overwhelm is likely to be immense. The most important thing is that you seek immediate support and companionship. It is not a good idea to be alone.
In this case, your person will be taken to the Coroner’s office. You do not need to do anything to organise this, it is arranged by the police or emergency services. This includes someone dying at home, even if they had been recently unwell, but not dying.
Your person will remain at the Coroner’s office for at least 72 hours, but it can be a week or more. This is such a difficult time to wait, but is important so the cause and manner of your person’s death can be clearly established.
Surround yourself with people, and take things incredibly slowly. Use the time to find the right funeral director, and to plan the elements of their farewell in a way that is soft and slow.
Useful Tip # 3:
Arrange for a friend or loved one to keep you company, and write everything down, because when you’re grieving you’re prone to forget things
You’ll need a friend x
Immediate Considerations
Was the person an organ donor? This will only be relevant if they are on a life support in a hospital, and the staff there will ask you. Check their documents and wallet for information or cards relating to this
Are there care arrangements in place for dependent children? Contacting their other caregivers is an immediate priority
- Contact all next of kin and close friends and family
- Determine whether prior arrangements have been made: Did the person have a pre-paid funeral, or funeral insurance (that’s a rort, but a post for another day!), or written instructions regarding their wishes? Check for existing burial plots, cremation certificates, or pre-arranged funerals.
- Did the person nominate an executor of their estate? If so, this person has the final decision making ability regarding the person’s stated wishes from the moment of their death.
- Is there enough money in the deceased person's bank account to pay for the funeral and have you contacted the bank about accessing the funds?
- Are there any sickness, accident, life, superannuation or private health insurance policies which may make a payment towards the funeral?
- Was your person a returned service person or did they belong to any club, pensioner association or trade union which may entitle them to a funeral benefit?
- If you or your person received payments from Centrelink have you checked with Centrelink about a possible bereavement payment or allowance?
- Did your person have a preference for where to hold the service? This could be different from the actual burial / memorial location.
- More information on immediate steps, bereavement payments and more can be accessed here: https://www.servicesaustralia.gov.au/individuals/subjects/death-and-bereavement/what-do-when-someone-dies
Choosing a Funeral Director
Many people are so overwhelmed at the time of a person’s death, they are not able to shop around for the best funeral director for their person’s personality or cultural system, budget and so on. Many people revert back to the brand names they know, which are likely to be the most expensive options available. Not many people realise that three major corporations own around 50% of the market share in Australia. Invocare account for around 30%, and their brands cover the full spectrum from budget to premium brands, although they use central mortuary facilities that offer the same level of care to all, at vastly different prices. Independent funeral providers are more likely to publish their prices on their website (The Last Hurrah lists all their prices freely on their website, and will soon have a completely itemised pricelist), and to respond quickly with a quote. Larger brands are less likely to do this, and may offer less flexibility when it comes to personalising a funeral or memorial service.
Questions to ask funeral providers when sourcing a quote:
- Can they provide an itemised quote that outlines every inclusion
- Do they include a coffin in their Professional Services Fee? Are transfers and basic mortuary care included in their fees, or are they extra? Is a death certificate included in their basic fee?
- What disbursements (optional extras like floral arrangements, service booklets, PA and audio gear) do they offer, and do they support you sourcing your own if you want to?
- Do they allow you to buy your own coffin or make your own? If so, do they charge a handling fee?
- Do they offer home funerals or vigils at home?
- Do they support DIY elements like driving your person to the crematorium or burial site?
- Can you choose and pay your own celebrant or venue?
As funeral providers, our key mission is to offer families as much flexibility as is humanly possible, so that funerals and farewells can be truly authentic and reflective of the person’s identity.
We offer a range of sustainable options for coffins and shrouds as part of our professional services fee, and we also offer home funerals and vigils, support families to do DIY or family-led funerals, and essentially bring a YES energy to as many areas of the funeral business as possible. We also offer a continuity of care model, where your funeral arranger is also your funeral director on the day, and usually acts as the celebrant too, so you only need to talk to one person throughout the entire process.
Boring but Important Admin Thingos
Your funeral director organises the legal death certificate issued through Births, Deaths, and Marriages; this is needed to settle the estate and can 4-6 weeks to be delivered to you. If the person needs to remain at the Coroner’s for some time, an interim Death Certificate can be arranged.
This link offers a comprehensive list of who you should contact in the days and weeks after your person’s death. Remember, if you feel overwhelmed, you can always come back to it later. https://www.humanservices.gov.au/customer/subjects/what-do-following-death
If the person left a will, you should make contact with their lawyer and/or executor immediately. Sometimes people leave their requests for disposition and funeral in their will, and these wishes can be missed if the will is not read until after the person’s disposition. Seek legal advice on the best way to approach this. Once you have the death certificate completed you can then set about notifying all the institutions and places your person had dealings with. This can include government departments, banks, telecommunications and utilities providers, local councils and any memberships the deceased had. The Department of Human Services has a handy checklist of some of the more common organisations you'll need to notify: https://www.servicesaustralia.gov.au/individuals/subjects/death-and-bereavement#a3
Grief, Mourning and Self Care
Grief is a process. Grief is a journey. Grief is an unravelling. Grief is a new chapter or becoming. Grief cannot be rushed or fast-tracked. The time between a person’s death and their memorial, funeral or disposition is usually an incredibly busy time of planning, communication, decision making…the rush of activity and the early numbness of grief can disconnect you in some ways (sometimes mercifully) from the enormity of your loss.
It is usually after the funeral, when everyone returns to their normal lives, when the weight of grief can really hit home like a sledgehammer.
It’s a good idea to give yourself time and space to process. Ask friends to bring you a meal for the fridge or freezer. Expect your sleep to be disturbed, and your energy levels to vary wildly.
We have found the work of Dr Alan Wolfelt, of the Centre for Loss and Life Transition, to be immensely helpful in normalising the grief journey, and making sense of it all.
He talks about the difference between grief and mourning, the importance of personal ritual, and offers simple and soothing advice. https://www.centerforloss.com/2016/12/helping-heal-someone-dies/
If you are ever at a loss and not sure how to proceed when you’ve lost someone, please know that the Last Hurrah Funerals team are available 24/7 and offer absolutely obligation-free advice to all.